Hello, Blogosphere, welcome to my blog!  I'd like to use my first post to introduce myself and talk a little bit about why I wanted to start a blog, and what the blog will be about.  My name is Toby, and I live in the great state of Maine.  I play many roles in my life, husband, son, employee, future small business owner, but the role that has become the most important to me is my role as father.  Being a father has quickly become a major definition of my life.  And, that brings us to my purpose in starting this blog.
     You see, I am a very special kind of father.  On March 1, 2013, my wife and I went to a routine visit with our obstetrician.  When our doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat on her older ultrasound machine, she sent us to the hospital.  A few minutes (I honestly couldn't tell you how long) and two sonographers later, we were told that there was no heartbeat.  Our daughter had died.  Our world fell apart.  The next day, March 2, we went to the hospital, and our daughter, Anastasia Maeve, entered the world silently at 2:24 p.m., gone before she even got a chance to arrive.
    The four months since that day have seen us slowly coming back from the lowest point in our lives.  We found that stillbirth is usually not talked about, despite the fact that 1 in 160 births end this way, according to the March of Dimes.  People who haven't experienced the loss of a child are often uncomfortable thinking about it.  They don't know what to say to the parents, and, especially if they are parents themselves, they don't want to think about the same thing happening to them, so they say nothing.
     The major theme throughout the infant loss community right now is "breaking the silence."  That is what this blog is about.  Breaking the silence on stillbirth and infant loss.  Breaking the silence on grieving.  And, breaking the silence on being a father who has lost a child.  Most information that is out there focuses on the mother, and that's great.  Mothers of loss have a horrendous time after losing their baby.  But, as fathers, we were just as excited for the baby.  We feel the pain just as much.  Our arms are just as empty.  I plan to use this blog to discuss my grieving process and thoughts and insights that come through my mind as I journey through a fatherhood that I never imagined I would have to face.  It may be hard for some to read at times.  It will absolutely be hard for me to write at times.  But, I feel that I need to do this as much for my own healing as for the help I may provide to others.  This is my way of honoring Anastasia's Legacy, and hopefully, together, she and I can help break the silence.